"R is for… Rude!" (poem)

The rudest word of all has never yet been said.
I’ve only just thought of it. It’s running round my head!

Even at this stage, I’m blushing, feeling flustered
If I unleash this now, it’d take the skin off custard,

Folks at the retirement home would gasp, recoil in shock,
Hardened criminals break down in tears in the dock,

Taxi drivers in town all slam on their brakes,
Dusty bakers panic, fill up their ears with cakes,

Tweed-clad professors tut into their tea,
Salty sailors be aghast and spring into the sea,

Bestselling authors completely lose the plot,
Surly, serious scouts tie each other in a knot,

Bullish bus drivers, baffled, barrel past their stop,
Startled rabbits forget how to snuffle and to hop,

Preening politicians be stunned into the truth,
Sermonising vicars say some words uncouth,

Emotional teenagers weep and wail in the streets,
Minimalist drummers miss the sparsest of their beats,

Tree surgeons abruptly lose their head for heights,
Monsters under the bed misplace their love of frights,

Birds fall from the sky, now afraid to fly,
As four and twenty blackbirds bake themselves into a pie,

Fluorescent street-sweepers lean hard upon their brushes,
While the Queen herself stands and shakes her head and blushes …

I know you want to ask me, but I’m too afraid to say…
So please let me lie down, until it goes away!


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Author: Al Lane

Writer, Poet, Daydreamer

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